Ian Sietniekas
Armed with only a terrible work ethic and the narrowest of reading tastes, Ian threw his hat into the ring and tried writing a novel, some nonsense about sky-pirates and mad scientists and other ravening originalities.

Predictably, it was terrible and he did everyone a favour and gave up.

Years later, he tried again. Older and wiser, he knew he'd produce something that wasn't such a waste of everybody's time. He achieved in producing something less turgid, but then remembered his work ethic and promptly got drunk.

Several months later, he realised he'd lost momentum and let the project wither and die on the vine.

Not exactly a nurturing soul, he didn't bother trying to coax it back to health. Instead, he cast it aside, like a pair of soiled trousers, and started anew.

Which is why he now finds himself here, working on Untitled Novel Number Three, and fooling no-one that he's doing a good job at cracking on with it, as he's clearly too busy writing out author profiles online ...